Yeah yeah yeah, no blog in months - I KNOW! (I really should blog more often, my poor friend Amber I am sure is sick to death of hearing my daily diatribe, of not only world but my life injustices. But there are times when I really don't think what I have to say is blog worthy, just a bunch of random musings that shouldn't be set free into the interwebs)
This year I have challenged myself to read 100 books, I didn't enter into this until the middle of January, so averaging 2 books a week I am already a little behind! I figure several well over due holidays this year shall rectify that situation.
So far I have read some great books, and of course some not so wonderful titles... currently I am reading Jodi Picoult's new offering "The Storyteller" which leads me to my blog..
The *blurbs* on the book covers really don't do what they should - I went into reading "The Slap" thinking it was something completely different to what it turned out to be.. completely misguided by the publishing world and frankly several hours of my life I would like back. Likewise with Picoult's "The Storyteller" - I thought I was going to embark on a novel about a baker (something I am obviously interested in) with the twist of a (modern day) moral dilemma/law and order plot, I should have known better. Here I am half way through, propelled into 1940's Nazi Germany.
Now I have read several books about war time Germany from many angles, fact and works of fiction, throughout my life, and several while being stationed her IN Germany (The True Story of Hansel and Gretel, The Candy Bombers, The Book Thief to name but a few)- it has however taken up until now and THIS novel, to make me feel slightly uncomfortable, and open up a vein of disgust with mankind that I didn't even know existed within me. Call me naive if you will, and it certainly isn't a case of "ignorance is bliss" because I've know for a long time The Holocaust happened. I *know* to what extent good people suffered, not only Jews but those not of pure race or Aryan descent, but I have never been moved before like I was today.
There is a certain passage in the book where a former SS officer an "Untersturmfuhrer' (company commander) describes how during an "Aktion" in Poland, where it took 2 days of constant shooting to kill over 2000 Jews, he came across a mother and young child in the last group - this is at a point where the led people to a trench full of bodies, not bothering any longer to cover each layer with earth, but instead making people lie face down on those already dead or dying - the passage tells the story of how the mother carried the little girl and told her not to look, to keep her eyes closed. How she placed the girl amongst the fallen bodies as if tucking her in for the night, and then how she began to sing, a well known lullaby, not in the words of the SS man, but with the same melody. It struck me during this passage, as I read through tears, just how many people suffered, not just grown men, but women and children. People who gave in to their fate, watching hundreds being slaughtered while waiting in line to die, extremely brave people, people out of options. I know that pre Sophia I would be touched by this "story" but now as a mother myself, it opens up a whole new avenue of thought.
There is also the part of me that can't comprehend how I live here 70 years on amongst descendants of a nation who stood by and let the atrocity happen. When we arrive in Germany we are told not to discuss the war with local nationals, it's not the "done" thing. I get it, Germany was in a bad place, the Chancellor came along and promised a better life for the working and middle classes - but he had once tried and failed to overthrow the government, it really should have been a clue. Most of the Germans I know are young, their parents, maybe even grandparents weren't even alive at the time - but there are a few, who would have only been children at the time - but they were here nonetheless. It hurts my heart, and today with half a story (I am aware this is a work of fiction) left to read, I don't want to live here.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
I Hate it When I Don't Know Where Stories Come From..
.. like this one
Snowy Christmas Eve
There was once a man who didn't believe in God, and he didn't hesitate to let others know how he felt about religion and religious holidays, like Christmas. His wife, however, did believe, and she raised their children to also have faith in God and Jesus, despite his disparaging comments.
One snowy Christmas Eve, his wife was taking their children to a Christmas Eve service in the farm community in which they lived. She asked him to come, but he refused. "That story is nonsense!" he said. "Why would God lower Himself to come to Earth as a man? That's ridiculous!" So she and the children left, and he stayed home. A while later, the winds grew stronger and the snow turned into a blizzard. As the man looked out the window, all he saw was a blinding snowstorm. He sat down to relax before the fire for the evening. Then he heard a loud thump. Something had hit the window. Then another thump. He looked out, but couldn't see more than a few feet.
When the snow let up a little, he ventured outside to see what could have been beating on his window. In the field near his house he saw a flock of wild geese. Apparently they had been flying south for the winter when they got caught in the snowstorm and could not go on. They were lost and stranded on his farm, with no food or shelter. They just flapped their wings and flew around the field in low circles, blindly and aimlessly. A couple of them had flown into his window, it seemed. The man felt sorry for the geese and wanted to help them. The barn would be a great place for them to stay, he thought. It is warm and safe; surely they could spend the night and wait out the storm. So he walked over to the barn and opened the doors wide, then watched and waited, hoping they would notice the open barn and go inside. But the geese just fluttered around aimlessly and did not seem to notice the barn or realize what it could mean for them.
The man tried to get their attention, but that just seemed to scare them and they moved further away. He went into the house and came back out with some bread, broke it up, and made a breadcrumbs trail leading to the barn. They still didn't catch on. Now he was getting frustrated. He got behind them and tried to shoo them toward the barn, but they only got more scared and scattered in every direction except toward the barn. Nothing he did could get them to go into the barn where they would be warm and safe.
"Why don't they follow me?!" he exclaimed. "Can't they see this is the only place where they can survive the storm?" He thought for a moment and realized that they just wouldn't follow a human. "If only I were a goose, then I could save them," he said out loud. Then he had an idea. He went into barn, got one of his own geese, and carried it in his arms as he circled around behind the flock of wild geese. He then released it. His goose flew through the flock and straight into the barn -- and one by one the other geese followed it to safety.
He stood silently for a moment as the words he had spoken a few minutes earlier replayed in his mind:
"If only I were a goose, then I could save them!"
Then he thought about what he had said to his wife earlier.
"Why would God want to be like us? That's ridiculous!"
Suddenly it all made sense. That is what God had done.
We were like the geese -- blind, lost, perishing. God had His Son become like us so He could show us the way and save us.
That was the meaning of Christmas, he realized. As the winds and blinding snow died down, his soul became quiet and pondered this wonderful thought. Suddenly he understood what Christmas was all about, why Christ had come. Years of doubt and disbelief vanished like the passing storm. He fell to his knees in the snow, and prayed his first prayer:
"Thank You Jesus for coming in human form to show me the way out of the storm!"
If you know me well, you know I am kinda on the fence when it comes to religion - I read Sophia bible stories, we celebrate Christian Holidays, we have a Nativity scene - but we don't go to church, I haven't taught my daughter how to pray - even though I do it myself - I am hoping she forms her own beliefs and ideas, just as I have done. I hope showing her how to be kind and generous, patient and loving will lead her down a path of discovery.
It's been a rough couple of days for me and a few people I know well, my heart is a little broken for many reasons and I'm finding it difficult to function, let alone get excited for Christmas.. I just need a good cry and something good to believe in right now.... religious or not.
Snowy Christmas Eve
There was once a man who didn't believe in God, and he didn't hesitate to let others know how he felt about religion and religious holidays, like Christmas. His wife, however, did believe, and she raised their children to also have faith in God and Jesus, despite his disparaging comments.
One snowy Christmas Eve, his wife was taking their children to a Christmas Eve service in the farm community in which they lived. She asked him to come, but he refused. "That story is nonsense!" he said. "Why would God lower Himself to come to Earth as a man? That's ridiculous!" So she and the children left, and he stayed home. A while later, the winds grew stronger and the snow turned into a blizzard. As the man looked out the window, all he saw was a blinding snowstorm. He sat down to relax before the fire for the evening. Then he heard a loud thump. Something had hit the window. Then another thump. He looked out, but couldn't see more than a few feet.
When the snow let up a little, he ventured outside to see what could have been beating on his window. In the field near his house he saw a flock of wild geese. Apparently they had been flying south for the winter when they got caught in the snowstorm and could not go on. They were lost and stranded on his farm, with no food or shelter. They just flapped their wings and flew around the field in low circles, blindly and aimlessly. A couple of them had flown into his window, it seemed. The man felt sorry for the geese and wanted to help them. The barn would be a great place for them to stay, he thought. It is warm and safe; surely they could spend the night and wait out the storm. So he walked over to the barn and opened the doors wide, then watched and waited, hoping they would notice the open barn and go inside. But the geese just fluttered around aimlessly and did not seem to notice the barn or realize what it could mean for them.
The man tried to get their attention, but that just seemed to scare them and they moved further away. He went into the house and came back out with some bread, broke it up, and made a breadcrumbs trail leading to the barn. They still didn't catch on. Now he was getting frustrated. He got behind them and tried to shoo them toward the barn, but they only got more scared and scattered in every direction except toward the barn. Nothing he did could get them to go into the barn where they would be warm and safe.
"Why don't they follow me?!" he exclaimed. "Can't they see this is the only place where they can survive the storm?" He thought for a moment and realized that they just wouldn't follow a human. "If only I were a goose, then I could save them," he said out loud. Then he had an idea. He went into barn, got one of his own geese, and carried it in his arms as he circled around behind the flock of wild geese. He then released it. His goose flew through the flock and straight into the barn -- and one by one the other geese followed it to safety.
He stood silently for a moment as the words he had spoken a few minutes earlier replayed in his mind:
"If only I were a goose, then I could save them!"
Then he thought about what he had said to his wife earlier.
"Why would God want to be like us? That's ridiculous!"
Suddenly it all made sense. That is what God had done.
We were like the geese -- blind, lost, perishing. God had His Son become like us so He could show us the way and save us.
That was the meaning of Christmas, he realized. As the winds and blinding snow died down, his soul became quiet and pondered this wonderful thought. Suddenly he understood what Christmas was all about, why Christ had come. Years of doubt and disbelief vanished like the passing storm. He fell to his knees in the snow, and prayed his first prayer:
"Thank You Jesus for coming in human form to show me the way out of the storm!"
If you know me well, you know I am kinda on the fence when it comes to religion - I read Sophia bible stories, we celebrate Christian Holidays, we have a Nativity scene - but we don't go to church, I haven't taught my daughter how to pray - even though I do it myself - I am hoping she forms her own beliefs and ideas, just as I have done. I hope showing her how to be kind and generous, patient and loving will lead her down a path of discovery.
It's been a rough couple of days for me and a few people I know well, my heart is a little broken for many reasons and I'm finding it difficult to function, let alone get excited for Christmas.. I just need a good cry and something good to believe in right now.... religious or not.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
The Show MUST Go On!
My child is such a trooper (ignore my post from earlier this week!), born to be a star! She hasn't been running at 100% for a week or so now, and got quite sick last night - when I woke up this morning, I told her school was out of the question. Sophia was distraught to say the least, today was her Nativity play, in a *show must go on* kinda deal we worked out that if she could keep down some crackers & sprite, she could go to school and be the Angel that she is.... she was the cutest Angel I have ever seen!
Quick Update I know - I'll add some pics when I get them from the camera!
Quick Update I know - I'll add some pics when I get them from the camera!
Monday, December 10, 2012
The Nativity Part 1
Sophia has been cast as a "Gospel Angel" in her school's nativity play, they are the school with the role for every child deal - with only 44 children, who can really blame them? Sophia told me tonight that when she gets to school tomorrow, she is going to tell her teacher that she wants to be Mary.....good luck with that! I told her that she's an Angel and they can fly, Mary just stands there holding "the baby" - figuring that would win Sophia over... nope she WANTS to hold the baby... it's "Baby Jesus Mummy"
They've been practising parts on and off for weeks, tomorrow is the rehearsal, Wednesday the timed dress rehearsal and Thursday is the real deal... I mean they're 3-6 year olds, they could NOT rehearse and it would still be just as amusing/cute/hilarious/insert your own adjective here! Sophia got to try on her costume today while practising her part.. I asked her if she sang along with the songs "No I just stood there and picked my nose" OH JOY.. at least she's honest.. her teacher reassured me that some helpful soul will catch that part on film on Thursday, and I can forever hold it over Sophia's head!
So all this nativity business led to the talk about Jesus..
Sophia - "How old is Jesus"
Me - "Well he's not alive in this world any more.. he was born, died for our sins on the cross, was resurrected and is now in Heaven"
Sophia - "But how old is he?"
Me - "2012"
Sophia - "What's his number?"
Me - "2012"
Sophia - "No his NUMBER"
Me - "His letter? J, J for Jesus J J J"
Sophia - "How old is Mary?"
Me - "Mary lived a long time ago, she's dead now"
Sophia - "Oh NO, Joseph is going to be SO sad"
She has a fair point there....!
They've been practising parts on and off for weeks, tomorrow is the rehearsal, Wednesday the timed dress rehearsal and Thursday is the real deal... I mean they're 3-6 year olds, they could NOT rehearse and it would still be just as amusing/cute/hilarious/insert your own adjective here! Sophia got to try on her costume today while practising her part.. I asked her if she sang along with the songs "No I just stood there and picked my nose" OH JOY.. at least she's honest.. her teacher reassured me that some helpful soul will catch that part on film on Thursday, and I can forever hold it over Sophia's head!
So all this nativity business led to the talk about Jesus..
Sophia - "How old is Jesus"
Me - "Well he's not alive in this world any more.. he was born, died for our sins on the cross, was resurrected and is now in Heaven"
Sophia - "But how old is he?"
Me - "2012"
Sophia - "What's his number?"
Me - "2012"
Sophia - "No his NUMBER"
Me - "His letter? J, J for Jesus J J J"
Sophia - "How old is Mary?"
Me - "Mary lived a long time ago, she's dead now"
Sophia - "Oh NO, Joseph is going to be SO sad"
She has a fair point there....!
Friday, December 7, 2012
My child is a BRAT!
Or maybe we've just had a rough few days - she's been a demon and I'm hoping she doesn't continue down this path of destructive behaviour. I'm not exactly sure when it started, but my sweet non-tantrum throwing sweet-pea (and me telling her this constantly might have been where my downfall started) who skipped over the terrible-twos, has thrown herself head first into the FUCKING-TERRIBLE-FEARSOME-THREES!
The feet stamping has GOT.TO.STOP, I have no idea where it came from, but it's one trick I hope she un-learns REAL soon. She's had more stints on the naughty step this week than Lindsay Lohan has had days in jail.... and she's not quiet while she's there, she screams and shouts and continues her little tirade.. my policy is 3 minutes, but then I thought F-that, you're 3 minutes start when you're quiet, which of course never happens!
I read all that parenting crap telling me it's her way to vent frustration, one side of her brain is growing faster than the other, and she doesn't know how to process these new feelings. Where once upon a time if she couldn't do something she'd ask for help.. now she bursts into a fit of screaming tears and the world is ending. I ask myself if this is so, why is she such an angel at school - there are no tears there, no fits of rage and frustration - I'm sure if there were they would be calling me in for a little chat! No, at school she is the epitome of serene, they even cast her as a Gospel Angel in the upcoming nativity!
Sophia has always had an amazing imagination she entertains herself for hours on end, making up stories and characters.. and now she has friends.. OK she's an only child, it's to be expected.. but instead of going down the path my cousin did, his imaginary friend "Mingle" was a sweet kind thing, she has gone the way of my sister and "Dorothy". Sophia's best imaginary friend (because she has a few) is Peter Pan... and just like in the Disney movie, he's a little argumentative sh*t.... Peter Pan takes the blame for everything naughty that happens in our house, if Sophia gets hurt "Peter Pan did it" if something gets broken it's his fault - if Sophia won't change out of her school uniform or talks back, it's because Peter Pan is telling her (not) to do it. Tonight as I'm brushing her teeth, she blew a toothpaste ladened raspberry at me.. looked me square in the face and said "Peter did it" not skipping a beat. Lying in bed she's drifting off to sleep and asks for some juice, I tell her she had enough at dinner and that I didn't bring any up to bed... she continues to drift off, fiddling with my lips as usual, then out of the blue, she pinches off a big piece of skin from my bottom lip - she says "Peter said to do that because you wouldn't get me any juice" turns around and goes to sleep!
I've told her if Peter Pan continues to misbehave he will no longer be welcome in our house and will be banished to Neverland... Sophia turns around and says "He told me to leave a window open for him when you're not looking".. This kid is too smart for her own good.. Someone has got to go Peter OR Sophia...!
The feet stamping has GOT.TO.STOP, I have no idea where it came from, but it's one trick I hope she un-learns REAL soon. She's had more stints on the naughty step this week than Lindsay Lohan has had days in jail.... and she's not quiet while she's there, she screams and shouts and continues her little tirade.. my policy is 3 minutes, but then I thought F-that, you're 3 minutes start when you're quiet, which of course never happens!
I read all that parenting crap telling me it's her way to vent frustration, one side of her brain is growing faster than the other, and she doesn't know how to process these new feelings. Where once upon a time if she couldn't do something she'd ask for help.. now she bursts into a fit of screaming tears and the world is ending. I ask myself if this is so, why is she such an angel at school - there are no tears there, no fits of rage and frustration - I'm sure if there were they would be calling me in for a little chat! No, at school she is the epitome of serene, they even cast her as a Gospel Angel in the upcoming nativity!
Sophia has always had an amazing imagination she entertains herself for hours on end, making up stories and characters.. and now she has friends.. OK she's an only child, it's to be expected.. but instead of going down the path my cousin did, his imaginary friend "Mingle" was a sweet kind thing, she has gone the way of my sister and "Dorothy". Sophia's best imaginary friend (because she has a few) is Peter Pan... and just like in the Disney movie, he's a little argumentative sh*t.... Peter Pan takes the blame for everything naughty that happens in our house, if Sophia gets hurt "Peter Pan did it" if something gets broken it's his fault - if Sophia won't change out of her school uniform or talks back, it's because Peter Pan is telling her (not) to do it. Tonight as I'm brushing her teeth, she blew a toothpaste ladened raspberry at me.. looked me square in the face and said "Peter did it" not skipping a beat. Lying in bed she's drifting off to sleep and asks for some juice, I tell her she had enough at dinner and that I didn't bring any up to bed... she continues to drift off, fiddling with my lips as usual, then out of the blue, she pinches off a big piece of skin from my bottom lip - she says "Peter said to do that because you wouldn't get me any juice" turns around and goes to sleep!
I've told her if Peter Pan continues to misbehave he will no longer be welcome in our house and will be banished to Neverland... Sophia turns around and says "He told me to leave a window open for him when you're not looking".. This kid is too smart for her own good.. Someone has got to go Peter OR Sophia...!
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Do Something That Scares You Everyday...
I've heard (or seen this written) countless times in self help, proverb based texts/pins/inspirational photos, but who actually does this... who *wants* to be scared everyday? Sure I have days where I do things I find scary (driving to England by myself, going to the dentist, flying - and lets not forget that standing on the scale every morning makes my blood pressure jump just a little) and there are plenty of days where I do an abundance of things I don't like doing.. but none of it is super scary on a daily basis - Yesterday I embraced the crazy scary with MOMS Club and climbed to the tippy top of the rock wall at Outdoor Rec.
When I woke yesterday morning, I was already telling myself that I was going to cancel my plans and stay home, I had a headache, Sophia wasn't feeling 100% and wasn't sure if she was going to school - an hour later I was pushing her into her classroom and starting my day at the commissary, but I still had that thought in the back of my head, the one that says "it's scary, don't go.. stay at home on the sofa." As the day went on, my resolve to NOT go disappeared, the more I discussed it with my friends (who were unsure about going) the more determined I became, not just determined to go, but to get to the actual top!
AND I DID!
I was first up the wall, (volunteered by my friend Beth and strapped up to my billet in 10 seconds flat) I just tried to get up there as fast as I could, knowing that once I was at the top I was done and could put my feet on the floor again! Repelling/rebounding down the wall was WAY more fun than going up - once my feet were firmly planted on solid ground I told myself I was done and wouldn't do that again.... but a few minutes later, after the shakes stopped and I recovered my composure (although I'm sure I looked nothing but brave and serene to my friends) I went up AGAIN - a different side of the wall, which I found trickier than the first, but still managed it up the the top to ding the little "bell".
This morning I showed the photos to Sophia, her first question was of course "did you ding the bell" - my brave climber monkey climbed the rock wall a few months back, she got pretty high for a 3 year old, higher than I though I myself would get! She gave me a big beaming smile and patted me on the back...!
Trying to think of something I can do today that might scare me.... I think looking under my bed at all the dust bunnies is a good start!
Monday, November 26, 2012
Viva L'Europa!
We really are blessed to live in Europe (I mean JOSH is really blessed to live here, I'm English, EUROPE is what I know) - the past few months we have taken every opportunity to get out at the weekend and see as much as we can - day tripping (45 minutes!) to France for wine and macaroons (yum), visiting Colmar and Eguisheim in the Alsace region (most beautiful town and village in France - FACT) travelling around Germany and this last weekend spending time in The Netherlands exploring the Valkenburg Caves Christmas markets and the surrounding area.
People often ask when we "plan" to head "back" to A-Merica... ummmm the weekend after NEVER. Seriously we plan to visit next year, but as far as anything else goes, I'm not sure that is ever going to happen (please Air Force Gods smile down on us and don't send me there!) Why oh why would we give all this *spreading arms and turning in circles* up? Europe is pretty safe (no hurricanes/tsunamis/recent major earthquakes/tropical storms etc etc) it's a great place to raise children, easy to navigate and travel around, the people are amazing I can go on and on.. Just this weekend, we stayed at a small hotel in Maastricht, during dinner a lady from the restaurant asked Sophia if she wanted to leave her boot by the fireplace, so if St. Klaus happened to visit in the night, he would have a place to leave her gifts.... the next morning we came down to breakfast to find a boot full of sweets, biscuits and toys - where else would you get that treatment, other than Europe?!?
I really have nothing against America, it's a great place to take a holiday, but unlike a lot of "local nationals' I didn't marry Josh so that we could move there.. when I met Josh, I was happy with my life in England and giving that all up to move away was gut wrenching, even more so knowing that the opportunity and assignment may not present itself, and we may never live there again - the people I know, all have to give up their hometowns and lives, when they get stationed in Europe for x number of years, but they all know they will eventually head back to the place they love.. HOME.. so forgive me if I harp on about how great this place is..
People often ask when we "plan" to head "back" to A-Merica... ummmm the weekend after NEVER. Seriously we plan to visit next year, but as far as anything else goes, I'm not sure that is ever going to happen (please Air Force Gods smile down on us and don't send me there!) Why oh why would we give all this *spreading arms and turning in circles* up? Europe is pretty safe (no hurricanes/tsunamis/recent major earthquakes/tropical storms etc etc) it's a great place to raise children, easy to navigate and travel around, the people are amazing I can go on and on.. Just this weekend, we stayed at a small hotel in Maastricht, during dinner a lady from the restaurant asked Sophia if she wanted to leave her boot by the fireplace, so if St. Klaus happened to visit in the night, he would have a place to leave her gifts.... the next morning we came down to breakfast to find a boot full of sweets, biscuits and toys - where else would you get that treatment, other than Europe?!?
I really have nothing against America, it's a great place to take a holiday, but unlike a lot of "local nationals' I didn't marry Josh so that we could move there.. when I met Josh, I was happy with my life in England and giving that all up to move away was gut wrenching, even more so knowing that the opportunity and assignment may not present itself, and we may never live there again - the people I know, all have to give up their hometowns and lives, when they get stationed in Europe for x number of years, but they all know they will eventually head back to the place they love.. HOME.. so forgive me if I harp on about how great this place is..
Thursday, November 15, 2012
If you're tired of starting over.. quit giving up..
I really should take my own advice - I just need to accept the fact that I am a TERRIBLE blogger! Oh well, I can't be awesome at everything...
So this is not me starting over, this is me carrying on. I need my blog, it's soothing for my soul, it's a great outlet for all my thoughts and emotions, and I really couldn't give a rats ass if anyone reads it - I have found myself to be uptight and angry for no reason - I've been having dark grumpy days and instead of taking it out on Sophia and Josh, I vow to come here.. get it out of my system and carry on regardless.
It dawned on me while driving Sophia to school today, that I was too young to really appreciate and get to know my Granddad. That's the thing about Grandparents, a lot of the time they are old while you are young - especially if you weren't born until your own mother was in her late 20's as mine was... My Nan, I feel that I knew, although not well enough. We used to be pen pals - living a few hours apart we didn't see each other but a few times a year, but through her treasured letters I feel that I still have a little part of her living with me. Through her own telling, and stories my mother and aunts have told me, I know what a magnificent woman she was. She was a different generation - a generation that took nothing for granted and worked, seriously worked for everything they had, no matter how little. AND I know how fiercely and incredibly proud she was of each and her children, grandchildren and GREAT grandchildren to boot. My Nan died while I was pregnant with Sophia, my last memory is of her in her hospital bed smiling that big huge knowing smile she had.. and asking me why I was so tired - I told her I was pregnant and her smile grew, a few minutes later we repeated the conversation, as we did a few minutes after that - the smile growing each time. No one likes to remember anyone being sick and dying in hospital, although that's what she was, the smile is what I remember.
My Granddad I know little of - I have memories of him as I was 16 when he passed, he was a quiet man and being only a child, I didn't feel it was my place to bother him - I figured he wanted to be left alone. But now, being that much older, it breaks my heart that I don't know much about him at all. Because he didn't talk about himself (which in turn speaks volumes) or reminisce about the times gone by - a wealth of history and knowledge died along with him. I was an inquisitive child, if only I had have used that curiousness where it counted most. The one piece of knowledge I have about my Granddad is that he would have laid his life on the line for anyone he cared about - he didn't have to tell me that, it's just the type of man he was. I'm sorry I didn't know you better.
So this is not me starting over, this is me carrying on. I need my blog, it's soothing for my soul, it's a great outlet for all my thoughts and emotions, and I really couldn't give a rats ass if anyone reads it - I have found myself to be uptight and angry for no reason - I've been having dark grumpy days and instead of taking it out on Sophia and Josh, I vow to come here.. get it out of my system and carry on regardless.
It dawned on me while driving Sophia to school today, that I was too young to really appreciate and get to know my Granddad. That's the thing about Grandparents, a lot of the time they are old while you are young - especially if you weren't born until your own mother was in her late 20's as mine was... My Nan, I feel that I knew, although not well enough. We used to be pen pals - living a few hours apart we didn't see each other but a few times a year, but through her treasured letters I feel that I still have a little part of her living with me. Through her own telling, and stories my mother and aunts have told me, I know what a magnificent woman she was. She was a different generation - a generation that took nothing for granted and worked, seriously worked for everything they had, no matter how little. AND I know how fiercely and incredibly proud she was of each and her children, grandchildren and GREAT grandchildren to boot. My Nan died while I was pregnant with Sophia, my last memory is of her in her hospital bed smiling that big huge knowing smile she had.. and asking me why I was so tired - I told her I was pregnant and her smile grew, a few minutes later we repeated the conversation, as we did a few minutes after that - the smile growing each time. No one likes to remember anyone being sick and dying in hospital, although that's what she was, the smile is what I remember.
My Granddad I know little of - I have memories of him as I was 16 when he passed, he was a quiet man and being only a child, I didn't feel it was my place to bother him - I figured he wanted to be left alone. But now, being that much older, it breaks my heart that I don't know much about him at all. Because he didn't talk about himself (which in turn speaks volumes) or reminisce about the times gone by - a wealth of history and knowledge died along with him. I was an inquisitive child, if only I had have used that curiousness where it counted most. The one piece of knowledge I have about my Granddad is that he would have laid his life on the line for anyone he cared about - he didn't have to tell me that, it's just the type of man he was. I'm sorry I didn't know you better.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Mammoth BLOG update Part One
Oops - I did it again.. I let em blog go weeks, no months without an update, we got busy with potty training and the holidays AND then Josh came home... yes folks he made it home just 2 short days before Christmas. He was due home mid December, but we all know how that works, one delay leads to another, he leaves his location for a port call elsewhere and gets delayed AGAIN.. the main point is.. he made it home in time for Christmas, reinforcing to Sophia that the Big guy in Red REALLY does listen!
As with all good marriages, Josh was home for a week before I was ready for him to turn around and leave again! We have a wonderful marriage and love each other dearly BUT there always seems to be one big blow out when he gets home, I guess it's routine and it helps us in the long run get back into the rhythm of our life together...
We had to skip Christmas with my family in England, but are hoping to catch a hope over there this week to catch up and take a well needed break! Sophia has been asking to go to Nana's house for weeks now.. to say she's excited about going is an understatement....
Ah Sophia, I really did worry about how she would do when Josh came home... but she was just so darn sweet... we had to leave at the butt crack of dawn to pick him up from the terminal.. I woke up at 4am to take a shower and get beautified.. when I woke her at 5:30 to get dressed and leave.. her first words were "no we get Daddy tomorrow" lol... I guess when she starts school she's not going to be a fan of early mornings! At the terminal she was wonderful, we had quite a wait before we even got a glimpse of Josh but once she had him in her sights she was elated... she ran to the glass holding up her "welcome home Daddy" sign, it really was a magical moment for al of us.... we then had to wait over 45 minutes for Josh to get his bags, 45 minutes with a panel of glass between us, Sophia kept looking at me and saying "there's my Daddy" and if he walked out of sight she would worry about where he went! For the next 72 hours she was his shadow.. the poor guy couldn't go anywhere without his sidekick.... Tuesday after Christmas he had to go and inprocess, leaving before Sophia woke up... when she did, and realized he was "gone" her whole world crumbled.. it's incredibly difficult explaining to a 2 year old, who's daddy was gone for so long, that he's only at work for a few hours... it seems that if he leaves after she's awake she's fine, but she REALLY doesn't like t wake up in the morning and not have him at home...
As with all good marriages, Josh was home for a week before I was ready for him to turn around and leave again! We have a wonderful marriage and love each other dearly BUT there always seems to be one big blow out when he gets home, I guess it's routine and it helps us in the long run get back into the rhythm of our life together...
We had to skip Christmas with my family in England, but are hoping to catch a hope over there this week to catch up and take a well needed break! Sophia has been asking to go to Nana's house for weeks now.. to say she's excited about going is an understatement....
Ah Sophia, I really did worry about how she would do when Josh came home... but she was just so darn sweet... we had to leave at the butt crack of dawn to pick him up from the terminal.. I woke up at 4am to take a shower and get beautified.. when I woke her at 5:30 to get dressed and leave.. her first words were "no we get Daddy tomorrow" lol... I guess when she starts school she's not going to be a fan of early mornings! At the terminal she was wonderful, we had quite a wait before we even got a glimpse of Josh but once she had him in her sights she was elated... she ran to the glass holding up her "welcome home Daddy" sign, it really was a magical moment for al of us.... we then had to wait over 45 minutes for Josh to get his bags, 45 minutes with a panel of glass between us, Sophia kept looking at me and saying "there's my Daddy" and if he walked out of sight she would worry about where he went! For the next 72 hours she was his shadow.. the poor guy couldn't go anywhere without his sidekick.... Tuesday after Christmas he had to go and inprocess, leaving before Sophia woke up... when she did, and realized he was "gone" her whole world crumbled.. it's incredibly difficult explaining to a 2 year old, who's daddy was gone for so long, that he's only at work for a few hours... it seems that if he leaves after she's awake she's fine, but she REALLY doesn't like t wake up in the morning and not have him at home...
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Potty Training Day 1 - a.k.a. Mummy Needs WINE!
We are at the end of day one, and it actually has gone quite well, I really don't want to jinx myself, and she totally hasn't really gotten "it" but I'm an not a blubbering wreck in the corner either!
I purchased and downloaded THIS guide, I'm not going to tell you too much about it, if I can cough up the $30 for it, so can you... and right now it's probably the best $30 I have EVER spent! Sophia spent the day completely naked eating cheetos.. FACT, well it wasn't cheetos but she was naked eating pretzels and popcorn, gummi bears and oreos... best day of her life I am sure... we wait til she starts peeing and then rush to the potty, there are no accidents on day one, it's all "learning" so we had 3 pees this morning, the majority of it making it in to the potty, then one almighty poop (I looked for the signs and put her on the pot, within 2 minutes and 2 stories she had pooped... and she was amazed! LOL) 2 more pees (one completely on the floor because I wasn't fast enough) and 1 completely unprompted completely on the potty! YAY! So not entirely a bad day! I was on her like white on rice, she had 150% of my attention no computer, no phone, no book, just Mummy staring down Sophia ALL.DAY! Today has taught me that my child is a camel.. she can go hours without peeing, the norm for her apparently is about 1.5hrs... then holy buckets it comes out fast....! Sophia is super exicted when she pees in the pot, taking it and dumping it out into the big toilet and then, flushing and getting to play in the sink while shefloods the bathroom "washes her hands"
The best part about today, she was so active, skipped her nap and has been alseep in bed since 6:30 yippeeeeeee, I know I will be awake at some absurd time tomorrow... but for tonight it's worth it.... off to catch up on the interwebs and read my guide ready for day 2 of battle!
I purchased and downloaded THIS guide, I'm not going to tell you too much about it, if I can cough up the $30 for it, so can you... and right now it's probably the best $30 I have EVER spent! Sophia spent the day completely naked eating cheetos.. FACT, well it wasn't cheetos but she was naked eating pretzels and popcorn, gummi bears and oreos... best day of her life I am sure... we wait til she starts peeing and then rush to the potty, there are no accidents on day one, it's all "learning" so we had 3 pees this morning, the majority of it making it in to the potty, then one almighty poop (I looked for the signs and put her on the pot, within 2 minutes and 2 stories she had pooped... and she was amazed! LOL) 2 more pees (one completely on the floor because I wasn't fast enough) and 1 completely unprompted completely on the potty! YAY! So not entirely a bad day! I was on her like white on rice, she had 150% of my attention no computer, no phone, no book, just Mummy staring down Sophia ALL.DAY! Today has taught me that my child is a camel.. she can go hours without peeing, the norm for her apparently is about 1.5hrs... then holy buckets it comes out fast....! Sophia is super exicted when she pees in the pot, taking it and dumping it out into the big toilet and then, flushing and getting to play in the sink while she
The best part about today, she was so active, skipped her nap and has been alseep in bed since 6:30 yippeeeeeee, I know I will be awake at some absurd time tomorrow... but for tonight it's worth it.... off to catch up on the interwebs and read my guide ready for day 2 of battle!
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
So-phia, So-Mummy, So-Woody?
Since Sophia has been able to talk she has called herself "Phia" - I think it's because that's all the hears when I'm telling her very sweetly (ahem) for the eleventy-billionth time NOT to do something soPHIA you are being very NAUGHTY! Or it could be that like most children she has a problem with the S sound at the start of a word....
Well recently I decided we need to tackle this, so on a recurring basis I have been asking her what her name is... she will say "Phia" and I will say "Hello SOphia" she will then say "Sophia" she's getting better at correcting herself without my prompts... well today at bath time, we do our daily recap, things we've done throughout the day, new words we have learnt etc etc -
Me - "what is your name"
Sophia - "Phia",
Me - "Oh hello Sophia"
Sophia - "Yes SOphia, what's your name Mummy?"
Me - Lorraine
Sophia "No it's SO-Mummy_
Me - LOL "OK"
Sophia "What's Odie's name? SO-Odie"
Me - still laughing, "what's Daddy's name?"
Sophia "SO-Daddy"
Me - "What's our friends name?"
Sophia "SO-Bray.... SO-Woody!!!!!"
(Brayden who she was initially going to say, was the Wood to her Jessie at Halloween... SO-cute!)
Well recently I decided we need to tackle this, so on a recurring basis I have been asking her what her name is... she will say "Phia" and I will say "Hello SOphia" she will then say "Sophia" she's getting better at correcting herself without my prompts... well today at bath time, we do our daily recap, things we've done throughout the day, new words we have learnt etc etc -
Me - "what is your name"
Sophia - "Phia",
Me - "Oh hello Sophia"
Sophia - "Yes SOphia, what's your name Mummy?"
Me - Lorraine
Sophia "No it's SO-Mummy_
Me - LOL "OK"
Sophia "What's Odie's name? SO-Odie"
Me - still laughing, "what's Daddy's name?"
Sophia "SO-Daddy"
Me - "What's our friends name?"
Sophia "SO-Bray.... SO-Woody!!!!!"
(Brayden who she was initially going to say, was the Wood to her Jessie at Halloween... SO-cute!)
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Show me the Money....
I wasn't going to write this blog UNTIL things had worked themselves out (literally) for fear that I would be judged for not rushing my darling sweet child to the emergency room, BUT I keep thinking of funny little things that I should write, and know I'll forget them! So here goes..... go ahead judge me... she's still alive.....
I have never wanted my child to poop so much, I've been her own personal cheerleader since Sunday night... that fateful Sunday night.... it was a dark and stormy night... no wait that's not my story to tell.... ANYWAY it was Sunday, Sophia being the little entertainer that she is, came to find me in the kitchen to show me her new "trick" - If you have been around Sophia lately, you will know that she is obsessed with Halloween - ghosties, pumpkins, trick or treating... and VAMPIRES... I didn't think that my 2 year old was going to LOVE the whole vampire scene.. but thanks to Mickey Mouse (damn you Disney AGAIN!) and Max & Ruby (really Rosemary Wells!?!?) Sophia's new passion in life is vampires...
So back to this "trick" (and this should have been one of those times when maybe I shouldn't have laughed with her.. I'm still learning) Sophia bounds into the kitchen and smiles at me..... cute... no wait.... I take a closer look and on inspection come to find that she has 2 nickels shoved up under her top lip... the puzzled look on my face was all Sophia needed to announce to me that she was a "VAMPIIIIIIIIRE"..... and I laughed... and then she laughed and then........ SHIT... she coughs and splutters, one nickel comes flying out of her mouth and the other.... well in her words... "I ate the monies Mummy"... my heart lurches in my chest.... she's still breathing.. check.. she's now laughing.. I hand her a drink and she gulps it down.. ok not stuck anywhere... so I do what EVERYclueless good mother does... I jump on Google... (well first I skype my hubby... but he was about as much use as a chocolate teapot.... "maybe she'll poop out a dollar" - THANKS Honey! OK give him more credit.. he told me to call the nurse advice line... I totally skipped that idea as I knew they would just tell me to go to the ER, like they do for every situation).. so Google it was.... come to find out (well I kinda already knew) that kiddos swallowing foreign objects is quite normal... I just never thought it would happen to us...
So taking the advice from my online army... I skipped the ER... instead for the last 3 days I have been making sure she eats and drinks as normal.. slipping extra apple juice, prunes, corn (poop enducing food) and the occasional fiber one bar her way, to help the nickel make it's way through... nothing is stuck as she is still pooping... just hasn't pooped the nickel yet... her color is fine, she's not breathing funky, she's her normal happy self.... if you ask her is her belly hurts she says no... well then she thinks about it and says "bandage please" ... we'll give it a few more days and if nothing appears I'll take her to the Doctor.
Just to clarify - the reasons I didn't rush my monkey to the ER are numerous... the biggest being I didn't want to freak her out... I didn't want her to get strapped down for an X-Ray, poked and prodded, maybe havng to force her to drink something nasty to get it moving... the things that would make for a VERY unpleasant time for a 2 year old... I'll figure we'll let nature do it's thing.. and then if nothing transpires.. we'll take the ER route..
I'll save you the updates every time she poops..!!
I have never wanted my child to poop so much, I've been her own personal cheerleader since Sunday night... that fateful Sunday night.... it was a dark and stormy night... no wait that's not my story to tell.... ANYWAY it was Sunday, Sophia being the little entertainer that she is, came to find me in the kitchen to show me her new "trick" - If you have been around Sophia lately, you will know that she is obsessed with Halloween - ghosties, pumpkins, trick or treating... and VAMPIRES... I didn't think that my 2 year old was going to LOVE the whole vampire scene.. but thanks to Mickey Mouse (damn you Disney AGAIN!) and Max & Ruby (really Rosemary Wells!?!?) Sophia's new passion in life is vampires...
So back to this "trick" (and this should have been one of those times when maybe I shouldn't have laughed with her.. I'm still learning) Sophia bounds into the kitchen and smiles at me..... cute... no wait.... I take a closer look and on inspection come to find that she has 2 nickels shoved up under her top lip... the puzzled look on my face was all Sophia needed to announce to me that she was a "VAMPIIIIIIIIRE"..... and I laughed... and then she laughed and then........ SHIT... she coughs and splutters, one nickel comes flying out of her mouth and the other.... well in her words... "I ate the monies Mummy"... my heart lurches in my chest.... she's still breathing.. check.. she's now laughing.. I hand her a drink and she gulps it down.. ok not stuck anywhere... so I do what EVERY
So taking the advice from my online army... I skipped the ER... instead for the last 3 days I have been making sure she eats and drinks as normal.. slipping extra apple juice, prunes, corn (poop enducing food) and the occasional fiber one bar her way, to help the nickel make it's way through... nothing is stuck as she is still pooping... just hasn't pooped the nickel yet... her color is fine, she's not breathing funky, she's her normal happy self.... if you ask her is her belly hurts she says no... well then she thinks about it and says "bandage please" ... we'll give it a few more days and if nothing appears I'll take her to the Doctor.
Just to clarify - the reasons I didn't rush my monkey to the ER are numerous... the biggest being I didn't want to freak her out... I didn't want her to get strapped down for an X-Ray, poked and prodded, maybe havng to force her to drink something nasty to get it moving... the things that would make for a VERY unpleasant time for a 2 year old... I'll figure we'll let nature do it's thing.. and then if nothing transpires.. we'll take the ER route..
I'll save you the updates every time she poops..!!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Apple Strudel a la Apple
Pinterest is my new guilty pleasure, I seem to spend countless hours on there, pinning random crap to my boards! All of it cute and delish looking, but most of it I'll never attempt to make, see or taste, it's a wonderful waste!
Today however, after adding yet another pin to my mmmmmmm FOOD board, I decided to make something that caught my eye a few days ago (I'm not going to share the pin on here, because you should all go sign up for pinterest and then you can follow my boards and see my original pin!) but the inspiration for said pin comes from HERE YES folks, apple pie in an apple - GENIUS! Plus saves you some major calories for the gobbs of thick custard you are going to pour on top!
What I created today can only be described in one word... magnificent! It wasn't quite apple pie, as I only had puff pastry on hand, as one does, and didn't feel like making my own pie dough... so I made APPLE STRUDEL a la APPLE! YUM!
Here's how you can creat this fab dish yourself! (my photos aren't as good as the original source, but you get it..)
Preheat your oven (190C) and gather utensils/bowls/ingredients etc
Cut tops off apples and scoop out the middles, slicing scooped apple into a bowl (discard core) peel and dice top of apple (the bit you cut off at the start) - add a dash of lemon juice to stop apples from turning brown.
Place hollowed apples into baking dish.
For each apple you will need
Brush tops with beaten egg and sprinkle with sugar, place into preheated oven and bake for 20-25 minutes until tops are brown and apples are tender (I had to place foil on top of mine after about 15 minutes to stop the pastry from burning)
Today however, after adding yet another pin to my mmmmmmm FOOD board, I decided to make something that caught my eye a few days ago (I'm not going to share the pin on here, because you should all go sign up for pinterest and then you can follow my boards and see my original pin!) but the inspiration for said pin comes from HERE YES folks, apple pie in an apple - GENIUS! Plus saves you some major calories for the gobbs of thick custard you are going to pour on top!
What I created today can only be described in one word... magnificent! It wasn't quite apple pie, as I only had puff pastry on hand, as one does, and didn't feel like making my own pie dough... so I made APPLE STRUDEL a la APPLE! YUM!
Here's how you can creat this fab dish yourself! (my photos aren't as good as the original source, but you get it..)
Preheat your oven (190C) and gather utensils/bowls/ingredients etc
Cut tops off apples and scoop out the middles, slicing scooped apple into a bowl (discard core) peel and dice top of apple (the bit you cut off at the start) - add a dash of lemon juice to stop apples from turning brown.
Place hollowed apples into baking dish.
For each apple you will need
- 1 Tbsp Sugar
- 1/2 Tbsp Flour
- 1/4 tsp Cinnamon
then scoop apple mixture back into apples and mound slightly
Now you need to add the pastry tops, we used store bought puff pastry, you can either buy your pastry or make your own, it doesn't really matter... roll out pastry and cut, we used a flower and heart cutter, but use whatever floats your boat! Next you need to make little vent holes in the top, to let the steam escape
and then put your shapes onto your apples, don't try and mould them as the heat of
the oven will do that for you
Brush tops with beaten egg and sprinkle with sugar, place into preheated oven and bake for 20-25 minutes until tops are brown and apples are tender (I had to place foil on top of mine after about 15 minutes to stop the pastry from burning)
et Voila - Apple Strudel a la Apple
Served wth custard - YUMMY!
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Sophia Chats With Daddy
Sophia has been doing remarkably well with this deployment, she's pretty hardy and will never be called a Daddy's Girl, but she for sure misses him. We go through the almost daily ritual of
S: "Sophia's Sad"
M: "Why?"
S: "Lost my Daddy"
M: " Oh you didn't lose your Daddy, he's at work, he'll be home at Christmas"
S: "Sophia happy now"
She's definitely one for a routine, and that's what the little interchange has become. We talk about Daddy a lot, and I chat with him most days on Yahoo and then a couple of times a week we skype, today was one such day....
Sophia has been pretty bummed about our trips to the post office recently, she always seems to be sending packages, but after the vast amounts of mail she got on her birthday, she hasn't received anything since.. so I asked Josh to remedy this situation and send her something in the mail. She's forever sending him cards and lots of artwork for his room, she's got to the point now where she'll make something and say "Sophia's NOT Daddy's" LOL I guess she wants to keep her work (I told Josh he had better bring back every scrap of paper she has mailed him!) Today Daddy came through on his promise and there was a nice little puffy envelope waiting for Sophia at the collection window... She was so excited I let her open it then and there.... tearing through the paper she gasps as she spots her teddy bear from Daddy.... Minnie Mouse (her favourite companion) is quickly forgotten and tossed on the floor and she takes the bear in her clutches and runs off! I shout after her "you'll have to tell Daddy thank-you" to this she replies "Thank-you Daddy" - laughter ensues from the people standing in the collection line....
We get home and Skype Josh... Sophia tells him all about her bear, thanks him over and over and then tells me to "move out the way Mummy" - I put the laptop on a cushion so she can see and shuffle down to the other end of the couch.. obviously not far enough away for Sophia as she tells me again to move out the way and points out the living room door... off I go.. hiding around the corner so I can still sneak looks at them and listen...
what happened next is probably one of the sweetest things I have ever witnessed between my husband and child, they simply chatted.. Sophia read him Each Peach Pear Plum, complete with scary witch cackle and the sound of Robin Hood's horn, she pointed to all the people asking and then telling Daddy who they were... she moved on to her snowman book, lifting the flaps for Daddy to see... they talked about her teddy bears, Mickey Mouse, the clothes she was wearing, her hair, mundane run of the mill stuff, but it was so sweet to see the light and happiness in both of their faces.. Sophia hasn't been so great with web camming Josh, just a few snippets here and there until she notices something shiny in the background and take off to investigate... but I am sure today MORE than made up for it...
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Sunday Rant!
First I need to apologise for not writing as much as I said I would but I've got that age old excuse that I've been busy.... busy with ummmm well what's that thing called, the thing that gets in the way of all the awesomeness and great adventures... oh yeah I've been busy with LIFE... living my life with my mini me at my side....
-- my mini me, my constant companion, the sunshine in my life and the subject of today's rant.. SOPHIA (insert scary slasher music here...)
As much as I love Sophia, this deployment is getting old, and the new phase of her not sleeping even older.... we have moved on from the "no cry sleep solution for newborns and babies" to the "no cry sleep solution for toddlers and preschoolers" which should be re-titled "the no cry sleep solution for anyone over the age of two who likes to keep their parents on their toes" - as we know, children are constantly evolving and changing, exploring and growing, so what may have worked for months on end no longer applies, you have to stay one step ahead, changing it up and starting all over... it's exhausting. But the lack of sleep even more so.
It's all my fault (something the book tells you not to say (out loud)EVER) My mother warned me not to have an August baby, my whole life was one BIG warning. My sister was an August baby, and she was a complete pain in the arse (and when I say "was" I mean "is" and when I say "pain in the arse" I mean "complete fucking nightmare") August babies are stubborn and contrite, needy and narcissistic, if you say it's black, they will swear up and down that it's white... Sophia is an August baby.
So getting back on topic, SLEEP or lack thereof is my rant for today, Sophia has got in this terrible habit of sleeping really well until I go to bed, I don't know if she senses it, or it's suddenly quiet in the house, but about 30 minutes after I'm in bed.. Sophia is in my bed too (yes we're still doing that terrible thing of mid-night co-sleeping - stop judging me and get off my blog).. and she sleeps soundly next to me until about 3am, and then the fun begins, she wakes up, she's thirsty, she wants the dog, she wants her doll, she wants her clothes off, she wants them back on, she can't keep still, she can't get settled.. on and on and on. The biggest thing is that she physically can't keep still, she can't sit still during the day and evidently this is mirrored at night.. she's kicking and wiggling, squirming and flailing.. usually in my direction.. she can't keep to her side (well Josh's side) of the bed.. she has to be right up on me..
"The Book" suggests introducing a "lovey" I laugh in the face of a lovey.. we've had a blanket with a tag, success for a few days, we've had a taggie (about a million little tags sewn around a fleece) not successful at all.. we've had a baby doll, occasional success, but by far Sophia's favourite "lovey" is ME - more to the point my face... Sophia spends hours each day and night caressing my face.... awwww how sweet some of you might say.. to that I say NO... it is not sweet.. it is horrible.. she likes more than anything to "fiddle" with my lips, brushing them with her fingers, pinching them (this hurts), picking them (this hurts too) you may think I'm being mean or being a baby about it.. but it's insane... and until you've had multiple hours of someone constantly having their hands on your mouth... you don't know squat. (August babies strike again - my sister LOVED to stroke my Mums hair when she was tired/going to sleep) So my lips get sore and chapped and still she continues, what can you do.. slap her little hand away, take it away over and over.. because she laughs, she gets even more persistent.. almost hurting me on purpose... so "Book" NOW what do you suggest!?!!??!?!?
This whole loving on my face is relatively new... she didn't do this as a baby.. she didn't touch or fiddle.. she just slept.. and she slept fine with me.. I want to go back to those days... but we have to go forward.. there is no choice.. so join me on this turbulent journey as I work through "the book" getting her to sleep through the night in her bed, then getting her to stop loving on my face and eventually getting her to go to sleep by herself... it's not an easy fix, it won't happen over night.. but slow progress is what I expect.. after all you don't see many college students heading off, not potty trained, drinking milk out of a bottle and sleeping in their parents bed.. we'll get this licked (hopefully before college!)
p.s. I need to also appologize for the terrible spelling in this piece.. I hit spell check and it highlighted every.single.word. WTF? FML!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
I Never Finish Anything
BUT that's going to change.. if you know me well, you know I am full of good intentions and even better ideas... however those ideas generally never come into fruition.. I make the plan, I get the required components together and A LOT of the time it never gets out of the design/imagination stage.. let alone finished... so around my house I have various projects all in the stages of infancy... I'm pretty sure it drives my DH absolutely mad, not to mention it wastes a lot of money!
Let me give you some examples...
Well no more I tell you..... recently I have been getting better... this isn't something that I can cure overnight... but so far I'm doing OK... I finished weeding my garden (not that you can ever REALLY finish weeding), after rescuing my bedding plants from the life sapping clutches of the green tendrils, wiping my brow and declaring a "job well done" I walked back around to the front and saw something hideous sprouting from the earth.... argh
I so far have 2 Christmas cakes baked and fruit for the next soaking in a nice brandy bath, you may think that this a huge unfinished disaster waiting to happen but NO I will not only bake the last few cakes.. .. I will marzipan and ice ALL of them beautifully.. before Christmas...maybe... DEFINITELY!
I am sure I am missing something glaringly obvious that I have recently completed.. if I happen to remember what it is, I will come back and update...
I need to work out what the root to this problem is.... I think it's more than just plain laziness.. I have ideas of grandeur.. a BIG picture of how I want my house to look and I think I am scared to come up short.. scared that even if I put my time and effort into it.. it just won't look as perfect as I want it to... so what do I do.. I live in a completely unperfect state through fear.... GAY!
So those visiting my house in the coming weeks, be prepared to see my house littered with half finished projects as I attempt to finally finish (well at least start) all the things I have dreamt of for so long...
Let me give you some examples...
- Sophia's baby feet wall hanging (feet stamped, canvas designed... not put together, which would take about 30 minutes!)
- Coloured buckets (thought I would do my own take on Sophia's Easter bucket.. but for another use.. if it comes out well I could attempt to sell them "gasp" (I have the bucket, the sandpaper, the spray paint, the design.... all the components just sitting there)
- I have eleventybillion scrapbook style greetings cards ready to be made.. you know when I had the plan to make all my Birthday/Christmas/New baby cards.. and made like ONE (I have a whole cupboard full of scrapbooking stuff (various designs/holidays etc) to aid me in this task)
- My lawn furniture needs weather-proofing.. I have the stuff to do it.. even got to the point of cleaning and prepping it... AND then didn't do it... oh well it'll be going into winter storage out of the elements soon...!
- My Easter decorations are still prominently displayed in the entryway... and we are less than 100 days from Christmas..
- Oh and not to forget the fact that we moved into our house over nine months ago and I still have boxes to unpack (we're not just talking 1 or 2 either.. oops!)
Well no more I tell you..... recently I have been getting better... this isn't something that I can cure overnight... but so far I'm doing OK... I finished weeding my garden (not that you can ever REALLY finish weeding), after rescuing my bedding plants from the life sapping clutches of the green tendrils, wiping my brow and declaring a "job well done" I walked back around to the front and saw something hideous sprouting from the earth.... argh
I so far have 2 Christmas cakes baked and fruit for the next soaking in a nice brandy bath, you may think that this a huge unfinished disaster waiting to happen but NO I will not only bake the last few cakes.. .. I will marzipan and ice ALL of them beautifully.. before Christmas...maybe... DEFINITELY!
I am sure I am missing something glaringly obvious that I have recently completed.. if I happen to remember what it is, I will come back and update...
I need to work out what the root to this problem is.... I think it's more than just plain laziness.. I have ideas of grandeur.. a BIG picture of how I want my house to look and I think I am scared to come up short.. scared that even if I put my time and effort into it.. it just won't look as perfect as I want it to... so what do I do.. I live in a completely unperfect state through fear.... GAY!
So those visiting my house in the coming weeks, be prepared to see my house littered with half finished projects as I attempt to finally finish (well at least start) all the things I have dreamt of for so long...
Friday, September 2, 2011
Your Cheating Heart...
Inspired by my blog post earlier this week, several recent conversations with DH, my SIL (who was worried about her DH joining the Air Guard as she thought the military is full of drugs, cheaters and general debauchery - don't worry I set her straight.. I told her she was forgetting the general day to day crap too) and I have another new post to wow you with... definitely!
I think cheating is always somewhere in the back of a girls head when their beloved deploys for any period of time (I mean not the girl cheating obviously, their SPOUSE cheating)... for me it's usually waaaaaaaaaaay in the deep dark depths of my subconscious... apart from this deployment.. and I only have one reason why that may be... it has nothing to do with Josh.. and I can't fathom for any length of time that he actually might do the dirty on me.. for he knows that not only will he feel my wrath, but the wrath of the entire "family"... plus he's a super good guy and 10 naked girls could be throwing themselves at him (his daydream of choice, I'm sure) and he'd still make the right decision (to NOT cheat.. just for clarification!) OK anyways...
It has to do with a completely selfish reason, the same selfish reason (other than the obvious) as to why I wouldn't want him to deploy to anywhere nasty and get himself killed... BECAUSE - I don't want to be a single parent... there I said it.. I put it out in the universe and am letting it freeeeeeee...
I REALLY think that, that is all it comes down to... If DH cheated (and we all know he wouldn't.. I get it.. Thank you) I know I would never be able to forgive him, so of course it would all end in a terrible divorce and I'd end up as a single parent... it's just not for me... my hat absolutely goes off to all the Mums and Dads out there who are doing it for themselves... you seriously deserve a medal, better yet a gin and tonic each night.. but I look at my beautiful Sophia.. and think to myself "if I had to do, what I have done for the last 3 months, everyday by myself, until you're 18- I might just commit myself now and save you the trouble later" SERIOUSLY
Being Mummy and Daddy for any period of time is super tough.. we all know that.. and that my friends is why it crazes me to my soul that in the forefront of my mind for the last x number of days is a truly nasty image of my DH with another girl...
I didn't write this blog for you all to send me "don't worry Josh will never cheat" posts, or pity me and my messed up mind... it's just something that has been lingering and I thought I'd put it out there for the masses and the greater good!
Amen, Baby Jesus, a-tish-shoo and please pass the scotch...
I think cheating is always somewhere in the back of a girls head when their beloved deploys for any period of time (I mean not the girl cheating obviously, their SPOUSE cheating)... for me it's usually waaaaaaaaaaay in the deep dark depths of my subconscious... apart from this deployment.. and I only have one reason why that may be... it has nothing to do with Josh.. and I can't fathom for any length of time that he actually might do the dirty on me.. for he knows that not only will he feel my wrath, but the wrath of the entire "family"... plus he's a super good guy and 10 naked girls could be throwing themselves at him (his daydream of choice, I'm sure) and he'd still make the right decision (to NOT cheat.. just for clarification!) OK anyways...
It has to do with a completely selfish reason, the same selfish reason (other than the obvious) as to why I wouldn't want him to deploy to anywhere nasty and get himself killed... BECAUSE - I don't want to be a single parent... there I said it.. I put it out in the universe and am letting it freeeeeeee...
I REALLY think that, that is all it comes down to... If DH cheated (and we all know he wouldn't.. I get it.. Thank you) I know I would never be able to forgive him, so of course it would all end in a terrible divorce and I'd end up as a single parent... it's just not for me... my hat absolutely goes off to all the Mums and Dads out there who are doing it for themselves... you seriously deserve a medal, better yet a gin and tonic each night.. but I look at my beautiful Sophia.. and think to myself "if I had to do, what I have done for the last 3 months, everyday by myself, until you're 18- I might just commit myself now and save you the trouble later" SERIOUSLY
Being Mummy and Daddy for any period of time is super tough.. we all know that.. and that my friends is why it crazes me to my soul that in the forefront of my mind for the last x number of days is a truly nasty image of my DH with another girl...
I didn't write this blog for you all to send me "don't worry Josh will never cheat" posts, or pity me and my messed up mind... it's just something that has been lingering and I thought I'd put it out there for the masses and the greater good!
Amen, Baby Jesus, a-tish-shoo and please pass the scotch...
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
I Have a German Lover?
Yes I know there is a question mark at the end of the title..all will become clear, maybe...
This afternoon was spent pulling weeds in the garden. While we were away my lovely landlords took it upon themselves to cut my grass, however they weren't gracious enough to pull the weeds from the flower beds and it looked like the triffids were taking over... for fear that my poor child would be eaten, I armed myself with a bucket, trowel, scraper, cushion to comfort my rear (I'm a luxury gardener) and set to work... At about 4pm my neighbours started flocking home, not sure why they all finish at 4pm vs 5pm, and soon enough, as I am perched precariously on the wall between my garden and my neighbours driveway, along comes my neighbour... and this is where it gets a little "interesting"
Neighbour - "I see you have been doing your husbands work"
Me - "In more ways than one..." snicker... OMG did I just say that out loud to my German neighbour.... I immediately start to feel my face flush....
Neighbour - laughing with knowing smile "well looks nice, you are doing good job, if you need help I send my son over"
Me - glad we are talking about the garden.... "that's very kind of you, hopefully I will be done soon, but if he'd like to help he can come over"
Neighbour - "OK, Tschuss"
..... and back to pulling weeds I go...... an hour or so passes, no sign of the neighbour and I need to make dinner... it's going to take me the next few days to finish up the rest of the weeding so if I see him while I'm out there I'll rope him into helping me....
FAST FORWARD to 8:45pm....
Sophia has been asleep for about .2 seconds when the doorbell rings.. you have got to be kidding me... if she wakes up I will kill the person on the other side of the door!
I open it up and who is standing there..... my neighbours son... now you may have read this far and are thinking that the son is probably a young kid looking to make some extra pocket money.. well you are wrong... as it's so expensive to live out here in Germany, many people live with their parents well into their 20s.. while they attend university... my neighbours son is one of them... anyway.. open door...
The Son - "Hallo"
Me - "Hallo"
The Son - " I am here to do the work of your husband" and he F-ing WINKS....OMG
(I'm sure he is trying not to laugh)
Me - "ummmm ahhhh well it's getting late and dark out, maybe another day would be better"
The Son - "YES, I will come back and ask again tomorrow evening, maybe you need me then"
Me - "ummmmmmm the baby is asleep, the evening is not so good"
The Son - " Thank you, see you tomorrow night" and he walks away...
so we weren't talking about the garden after all....tomorrow night I have a hot date with the son of my neighbour... he's coming to do my "husbands work"... should be interesting....he he
This afternoon was spent pulling weeds in the garden. While we were away my lovely landlords took it upon themselves to cut my grass, however they weren't gracious enough to pull the weeds from the flower beds and it looked like the triffids were taking over... for fear that my poor child would be eaten, I armed myself with a bucket, trowel, scraper, cushion to comfort my rear (I'm a luxury gardener) and set to work... At about 4pm my neighbours started flocking home, not sure why they all finish at 4pm vs 5pm, and soon enough, as I am perched precariously on the wall between my garden and my neighbours driveway, along comes my neighbour... and this is where it gets a little "interesting"
Neighbour - "I see you have been doing your husbands work"
Me - "In more ways than one..." snicker... OMG did I just say that out loud to my German neighbour.... I immediately start to feel my face flush....
Neighbour - laughing with knowing smile "well looks nice, you are doing good job, if you need help I send my son over"
Me - glad we are talking about the garden.... "that's very kind of you, hopefully I will be done soon, but if he'd like to help he can come over"
Neighbour - "OK, Tschuss"
..... and back to pulling weeds I go...... an hour or so passes, no sign of the neighbour and I need to make dinner... it's going to take me the next few days to finish up the rest of the weeding so if I see him while I'm out there I'll rope him into helping me....
FAST FORWARD to 8:45pm....
Sophia has been asleep for about .2 seconds when the doorbell rings.. you have got to be kidding me... if she wakes up I will kill the person on the other side of the door!
I open it up and who is standing there..... my neighbours son... now you may have read this far and are thinking that the son is probably a young kid looking to make some extra pocket money.. well you are wrong... as it's so expensive to live out here in Germany, many people live with their parents well into their 20s.. while they attend university... my neighbours son is one of them... anyway.. open door...
The Son - "Hallo"
Me - "Hallo"
The Son - " I am here to do the work of your husband" and he F-ing WINKS....OMG
(I'm sure he is trying not to laugh)
Me - "ummmm ahhhh well it's getting late and dark out, maybe another day would be better"
The Son - "YES, I will come back and ask again tomorrow evening, maybe you need me then"
Me - "ummmmmmm the baby is asleep, the evening is not so good"
The Son - " Thank you, see you tomorrow night" and he walks away...
so we weren't talking about the garden after all....tomorrow night I have a hot date with the son of my neighbour... he's coming to do my "husbands work"... should be interesting....he he
Sunday, August 28, 2011
REALLY Think I Should Write Something....
anything, you're going to get bored, but it will waste 5 minutes of your time reading this!
When I started this new blog I promised myself I wouldn't slack off and let weeks go by without writing, and here I am, I've been back home in Germany for a whole week already I haven't blogged one.single.word argh!
This week has felt like a month, I'm still technically on vacation time since my sister and nephew are visiting (vacation time i.e. still eating like shit and not doing anything productive!) we've been super busy, other than today, lazy Sunday spent eating pastries and napping, but I am trying to squeeze as much into their vacation time as I can - sight-seeing/shopping/swimming/eating yadda yadda... but it also leaves me in a predicament... when my Mum and nephew visited at Easter, we did much of the same stuff, Miramar pool, Farmers Market, Brunch etc etc.. so NEXT time they come visit I really have to give it my A game and come up with a new routine for their visit... which sucks but at the same time, means I get to go and see (test out) new fun places to take visiting relatives.... so stay-at-home-Mum... is REALLY find-cool-things-to-do-in-the-area-when-people-visit..... oh the joys! Luckily for all of us, Germany is HUGE and has so much history and culture I could show people around for years and not get bored and find new/interesting things each time... yippeeeeeee
The fam-damily departs Tuesday, which will bring my 6 week summer holiday to a close... it also means we are nearly half way done with the deployment, it's all downhill from here.. in every which way!
When I started this new blog I promised myself I wouldn't slack off and let weeks go by without writing, and here I am, I've been back home in Germany for a whole week already I haven't blogged one.single.word argh!
This week has felt like a month, I'm still technically on vacation time since my sister and nephew are visiting (vacation time i.e. still eating like shit and not doing anything productive!) we've been super busy, other than today, lazy Sunday spent eating pastries and napping, but I am trying to squeeze as much into their vacation time as I can - sight-seeing/shopping/swimming/eating yadda yadda... but it also leaves me in a predicament... when my Mum and nephew visited at Easter, we did much of the same stuff, Miramar pool, Farmers Market, Brunch etc etc.. so NEXT time they come visit I really have to give it my A game and come up with a new routine for their visit... which sucks but at the same time, means I get to go and see (test out) new fun places to take visiting relatives.... so stay-at-home-Mum... is REALLY find-cool-things-to-do-in-the-area-when-people-visit..... oh the joys! Luckily for all of us, Germany is HUGE and has so much history and culture I could show people around for years and not get bored and find new/interesting things each time... yippeeeeeee
The fam-damily departs Tuesday, which will bring my 6 week summer holiday to a close... it also means we are nearly half way done with the deployment, it's all downhill from here.. in every which way!
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Sophia's Party
Everyone has gone home and the house is so quiet.... Sophia is snuggled in bed with her new BFF Goofy (Thanks Megan & Max) - she had an AMAZING Day! Time for a sip of wine.... well you know.. a bottle.
Bouncy castle arrived at noon and for 8 hours straight Sophia bounced... and bounced... and bounced only stopping to scoff a quick tea and blow bubbles with her very favourite "Ray Daddy" - move over Josh.. you've got some strong competition! LOL
The cake looked amazing, don't want to even think how many hours I spent slaving over it.. but it looks wonderful and from what I have been told tastes divine! YAY!
The Vanilla Bakery catered the rest of her party... less stress for me, I would recommend them to anyone.. never seen such beautiful and tasty food.. Mum now also has a freezer stocked that will last her to our next visit at Christmas (I have a tendency to be a "feeder" so ALWAYS over-order... oops!)
But for now I'd like to thank everyone who came and made Sophia's day so special xx
Glug glug zzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZ
Bouncy castle arrived at noon and for 8 hours straight Sophia bounced... and bounced... and bounced only stopping to scoff a quick tea and blow bubbles with her very favourite "Ray Daddy" - move over Josh.. you've got some strong competition! LOL
The cake looked amazing, don't want to even think how many hours I spent slaving over it.. but it looks wonderful and from what I have been told tastes divine! YAY!
The Vanilla Bakery catered the rest of her party... less stress for me, I would recommend them to anyone.. never seen such beautiful and tasty food.. Mum now also has a freezer stocked that will last her to our next visit at Christmas (I have a tendency to be a "feeder" so ALWAYS over-order... oops!)
But for now I'd like to thank everyone who came and made Sophia's day so special xx
Glug glug zzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZ
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